她睁开,泪涌视向不同方向的浅灰眸,淅淅沥沥落苍白的脸颊:“It was payback, Tom. I was a monster who got what she deserved. How could I be worthy of anything after that? How could I be a good mother to you, when I wasn’t even a good person?”(那是我的报应,汤姆。我只是个罪有应得的禽兽。在犯如此罪恶之后,我还能值得拥有什么?我连一个好的人都不是,我怎么能一个好母亲?)
汤姆剑眉紧锁,拳慢慢握紧,声音低沉而冷:“You think that excuses what you did? You think that makes it right to abandon me?”(你以为这就能为你所的一切开脱吗?你以为这就能让你抛弃我变得理所当然吗?)
“But deep down, I knew it was wrong. I knew it was cruel. I took his will, his freedom. I turned him into something he wasn’t. And when I finally stopped… he left. Of course, he left.”(但心底,我知这么是错的。我知这么是残忍的。我为了我自己的意志,剥夺了他的意志,他的自由。我把他变成了他本不是的一个人。当我终于住手时……他走了……他当然走了……)
梅洛普闭上,仿佛被这句话击中了最脆弱的地方:“Yes…I did. I used it. I told myself it was the only way. That I would never see him otherwise…and he would never understand that I could make him happy. That I could mend clothes and make porridge and clean the house and be a good wife. I just needed to give him a little push…for him to see whom I really was.(没错,我用了迷剂。我告诉自己,那是唯一的办法。不然我永远都见不到他……他也永远不会明白,我可以让他快乐。我会补衣服,会熬煮粥羹,会打扫房,我能一个好妻。我只是需要稍微推他一把……让他看到我的真正模样。”)
梅洛普惊慌地摇了摇:“No! I don’t deserve to be excused! What I said…it…it doesn’t excuse anyt
,汤姆。我真的过他。起码我觉得我真的过他。我第一次见到他的时候……他是我能梦想到的一切。英俊,自信…… 自由。他就像一缕……阳光,与我所熟知的那个黑暗、窒息的世界大相径庭。但……但他……不喜我……他当然不会喜我……)
汤姆的目光渐渐冰冷,语气中透一丝法官般犀锐:“So you used Amortentia.”(所以你用了迷剂。)